Honestly I .... Am Learning Family Isn't Always Blood.

Honestly I.... Find that I am so very confused in social situations sometimes. A lot of it is awkwardness on my end - I know it stems from having little to no self esteem. However, in the last several years I have been privileged to have some amazing friends - not just passing or casual friendships. I have had friends who have invited me in and treated me as family. I am invited to birthdays and baptisms. I'm invited over for big parties or just fun movie nights. I've been fed, entertained, blessed and supported by these friends. GENUINELY welcomed. As I stumble awkwardly within myself - wondering what to do when these invitations present themselves those offering see it and genuinely WANT me there. They assure express their desire to have me there and assure me there is a place for me - they treat me as if I'm doing THEM a favor for just being there when it is so obvious that it is the other way around. The thing is though, it's not hollow. They mean it.

As I was at one such event this evening I was blown away by the kindness and acceptance extended to me by extended family as well. I wasn't treated like the one random person in the room not related to anyone there. I was given a seat among them all, included in conversations with them all, and THANKED even for sitting with THEM.

It wasn't just tonight either. As I go to many events with my closest friends their family goes out of their way to ask how I am, what is new…. They include me. I don't know exactly how to pinpoint the part of all of this that makes me confused. I guess in the end it's not as if I have done anything or offered anything to my friends extended family, yet I'm never left out or questioned as to my attendance and purpose there. I am treated in such a way that I almost forget I'm not related.

Over the years as I've struggled to find a place in my own family, I am blown away by how quickly a space is made for me in another's. My family is made up of some great people but I see that to them family is blood and the doors aren't really open to outsiders. It's not ok to bring a friend to dinner. I understand at the end of the day I don't hold a permanent space in these families who welcome me in. I'm not standing in on anyone else's family group photos any time soon, but I am treated with kindness and genuine acceptance.

Being outside of my family a little more I am learning that there is love to go around. I'm seeing where I need to be more open and more aware of others - Just as I receive this love and acceptance I need to give it. While there are obvious moments where it isn't as appropriate to extend the walls of one's family I see in my own story the possibilities and the circumstances where opening the doors to a stranger or a friend may mean that they are feeling an acceptance and a love that they aren't getting anywhere else.

As I grow and change and have made friends and opened my heart to others allowing myself to be brave and accept these invitations I am learning more and more that there are people who are truly good and kind and through this I am starting to see that I have places in others lives. I am valued and as such I need to stop and see that it's ok to accept a place within other's open arms.

I don't have to feel bad for being invited…. I don't need to excuse my presence because no one is asking me to…. What a relief it is to be invited, to be accepted and to be loved. What a relief it is to begin to see that I am allowed to let it happen.