Since last Sunday
the words to a hymn have been playing over in my mind. I had heard the song before, many times - in
fact it is one of my favorite hymns.
Where can I turn for peace? A
question I have asked myself more times than I could count. Over the years as I have sang this song I
have sang it as a pleading prayer to feel peace and find understanding. I have felt that despite these silent and
sometimes verbal pleas, I fall short of obtaining and feeling peace.
For the last several
years, I have worked tirelessly to achieve peace, to be able to find comfort in
times of need, and to seek and find understanding with God. I have read talks, studied, met with my
Bishops, discussed it with other leaders and friends, gone to counseling…. I
have tired to improve my brain's ability to discern and hold on to positive
things. While it may seem extreme, I
know that for me, this is a necessity. I
ache to feel God's love for me. I yearn
for peace in my mind. I am desperate to
feel my prayers are heard and to see answers.
The reason that this song resonates with me is because I feel on a
regular basis, the first 2 verses of this song are written about my life… they
are my feelings on paper.
Where can I turn for
peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources
cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded
heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?
Where, when my
aching grows,
Where, when I
languish,
Where, in my need to
know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet
hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can
understand? ….
So last Sunday, as
usual, I heard these words but more importantly I felt these words. I know the song well. I know the rest of the song, and I knew what
the next line was -
He, only One.
That's the
answer. I know it is the answer, I've
always known it was the answer. That's
why I have worked so hard to learn and to figure out what it is that prevents
me from achieving the promised blessings in the end of this song.
He answers
privately….
Gentle the peace….
Constant he is and
kind,
Love without end.
On this day however,
there was a new line that stood out to me.
I've sang it a million times, but I've never contemplated what it is
saying.
Reaches my reaching
These words all week
haven't left my head. HE reaches MY
reaching. I am reaching to Him. My reaching though, it isn't enough. I can't reach far enough. I'm not enough. So He reaches for me, He completes the
connection. I pictured a little toddler,
perhaps still unable to speak - standing at the foot of their parents and
reaching up their arms to signal their desire to be picked up and held - the
parent reaching their arms down to meet the outstretched arms of the reaching child…
Today in sacrament
meeting this song, still on my mind, ended up being our rest hymn. It was again today that this song gained even
more meaning to me. I noticed more
clearly the next line, "In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend."
A really good friend
shared an experience with me last week.
She told me about a fireside she had just attended where the speaker
pointed out that Jesus Christ, The Son Of God, was not mortal. However, there was only one time where Christ
drew upon his immortal powers and that was in the Garden. A mortal being wouldn't have survived
bleeding from every pore. The human body
would not be able to withstand such extreme pain for even a short time before
passing out. Through all of what the
Savior suffered that night, he only drew upon those powers to be able to
continue on and suffer more.
I had heard that
Christ suffered for me individually before.
I believe this to be true, but I don't know how much I understand
it. I do know that this beautiful
message shared with me earlier this week gives me added confidence that it is
true Christ suffered for me individually, and He intended to do so, He made
sure that it happened.
I know where to turn
for peace and I am learning to believe that because of his willingness to
suffer on my behalf, I can find private answers if I turn to Him because he
knows how to reach me on an individual basis.
While in my Gethsemane, I have a Savior, a friend and he will reach my
reaching, I just have to extend my arms.
Where Can I Turn For Peace? Hymn 129
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